Pence's Blog
by afrodette
Summary: Pence has a blog, and he wants to share his thoughts with you. Read what's on his mind, his rants, his praise, about his day, the things that revolve around him, and his opinion about other people's opinions. Rated for language.
1. A Rant on Pants

**A/N:** The reason for this story; reason number one being is because Pence is an underdeveloped character and he needs more screen time, or better yet his own game. Two, is because I haven't written anything in a while, so yeah. This is a blog-like type of thing, so expect a lot of my thoughts/experiences told in terms of Pence's POV.

**WARNINGS:** OOCness, rants, crack, a load of cussing, and just Pence bloggin'.

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or Pence, but I do own the thoughts about to be shown below c:

* * *

><p><strong>Pence's Blog<strong>

**A rant why I hate pants [posted at 4:48]**

I hate pants. I just hate it so fucking much. For me, pants hate me like I hate them. They either fit you or they don't.

They slow you down in every way possible. In the morning when you put them on, you have you put your legs through the leg sleeves. Then when you're done with that torture, you then have to button them. Ugh, trying to pull them together is like the greatest workout ever. You have to suck in as much as air you can and try to make yourself look skinnier so you can button that up. Then after you're done with _that_, you then have to zip that fucker up. The worst thing that can happen is if your zipper thing is lodged into the depths of your pants and you REALLY have to get that shit to pull up. Then after you're done, suddenly you can't breathe and you can't feel yourself from the waist down because your pants are cutting off your circulation. Pants are evil, see?

I seriously hate pants. All of them. I don't care if they're Levis, or some designer shit like Louis Vuitton or Gucci, one way or the other they wont fit your fat ass sometime in the future. I hate that I have to waste money on something I'm supposed to wear everyday, and you have to buy more later. I don't care if they're cheap ass swap meet pants, or made of spandex, or jeggings. You go through the same shit all the time. There's no such thing as the perfect pair of pants. That's bullcrap. No pair of pants are perfect. Oh really? Oh really bitch? Tell me, those pants you're wearing now, did you have them since you were merely a toddler? No? THOUGHT SO.

I just loathe pants. They're retarded. Why do they even call them 'a pair of pants' when it's only one? That's how retarded they are. They don't know the meaning of 'pair'.

I hate all types of pants. Boot cut, high waist, low waist, bell bottoms, flared, straight, skinny jeans, what-_ever_. The worst part is that I don't even look skinny in skinny jeans! That's bullcrap. That's misleading shit right there. If you're going to make jeans and decide to name them 'skinny jeans' just so you can get fat people to wear your stuff and make money, then you're evil and should be sued for making people look bad.

Who needs pants? It's better to be naked anyways. It's a hell of a lot better. Life would be much better if you didn't wake up every morning, seeing those pair of pants, taunt you and say, "Hey fatty, lol, wear me, I bet you wont fit, lolz, and then you'll have to waste money on another pair of pants lololol."

Well I guess I'm done ranting about my hatred for pants. I'll log off and just start eating my pants because I'm hungry and I don't want to see these fuckers again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **This is loosely based on this RP group I'm in and I RP Pence. You should check it out. My RP is [ dogstreet . tumblr . com ] (close the last space) and the entire RP is [ kingdomheartsmasterlist . tumblr . com ] (again, close the space and lurk around the place.)

By the way, you can send in a topic Pence can rant or praise about (because I might run out of ideas, haha.)

Till next time on Pence's Blog!

**NEXT ENTRY: A thought on names given to Kingdom Hearts characters. **

**Thoughts on the first entry? Tell me in a review.**


	2. I'M NOT DEAD OK

**My Thoughts on Names Given to Square Enix Characters [posted on 3:49 pm]**

I just realized I haven't posted in forever. But that's okay, because I'm not dead or anything. Anyways, back to this. I just really would like to have a word about the names given to Square Enix characters. Okay, I can understand the name Roxas. I can understand Sora, Riku, Kairi, Axel, Denzel, Leon, Cid and so on… but oh my god, why the hell would you consider a name like Cloud? Did you like run out of names from the name bank and decide to name a character Cloud? Whoa, and how about Wakka? I didn't mind it until that one rapper named Waka Flocka came into existence. Now I can't just take it seriously. And Tidus. It sounds like "Tight-Ass". Unless you pronounce it like "Tee-dus"... still, it's a weird name. What about my name? Pence? That's a foreign type of munny, why the hell would you name me after foreign munny? Do I look like a million bucks to - no. Scratch that. I love my name now. Shit. But then again a Pence is like… a penny. Okay, back to hating my name. I hate it now.

And Lightning from Final Fantasy XIII. She's not even blond or anything to make her have that name. She's not dumb, or even fast for that matter. Her real name is Claire. I like that better.

Then there's Snow. WHY? Fang, Vanille, Hope, Sazh? I just don't get it. I completely don't understand the point of Sazh's name because what kind of name is that? And isn't Hope a girl name? Vanille. Vanilla in fucking French. She has an Australian accent going on and also her hair is fucking pink. Oh, okay, let's just name someone Vanille just because we don't know what else to name her.

Oh yeah, and _what kind of name is Olette_? I know it shouldn't be a problem, but considering the fact that I'm an overweight beast who likes to eat, her name sounds A LOT like a fucking omelet. I mean look at her, she wears orange and white like it's no one's business. She even looks like an omelet. Brown hair is like mushrooms. The green eyes are like green bell peppers. Fuck, just typing this down sounds delicious. When I'm around her, do you know how many times I have to go to the store just so I can forget about my hunger? I'm serious. I always end up trying to eat her or something, I'm not even kidding. People think I'm a cannibal for it. No, I'm just fat.

I think it's time to conclude this blog post thing cause I'm hungry as fuck.

* * *

><p><strong>A Word About Ice Cream [posted on 1:54 am]<strong>

My mom brought home ice cream earlier and I was really fucking happy about that. So I waited until she was asleep so I can just eat all of this. God I love it. Sea-Salt Ice Cream is the best ice cream ever. If you haven't tried it yet you're missing out on something crucial and beneficial to your life.

Fuck. I just dropped my ice cream on my laptop keyboard. Now I have to clean it up.

* * *

><p><strong>Girls [posted on 2:28 pm]<strong>

There are different types of girls. A lot, but one way or the other they're all somehow the same and it just confuses me and it scares me. I like girls, don't get me wrong, but they are all scary when it's that... _time of month if you get what I mean_. Like if I just say hi to a girl they start going bat shit crazy and start to yell at me and hit me. Like I just said hi, okay? You don't need to get mad just cause you're on your period. And they get even more mad when you mention if they're on their period.

It's fucking scary.

But I really like girls. I'm not gay. No. I like girls, okay? To tell the truth, I have a really big crush on that red head girl named Kairi. I think she's super cute.

I think that every other girl is ugly. No offense, but yeah.

Maybe I shouldn't have typed that cause they might see this. This is the Internet. Fuck. I've said enough. Bye now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Kairi and Pence is my OTP. Yes. Hate on me. And I'm so sorry I didn't update this like a regular blogger. I own a blog myself and um... yeah. Send in some topics for Pence to talk about. :3


End file.
